Hey Good Lookin'!

So.

Ever since waking up, I've wanted to wash my dishes. But it's a big job, so I'd have to eat first. I had a muffin, but it wasn't quite enough for cleaning.

I have some sourdough French Bread from my favorite bakery, so I decide to make The. Best. Sandwich. Ever.

The. Best. Sandwich. Ever. contains:

French sourdough baguette.
Hard-boiled egg
Avocado
Mayonnaise
Black Pepper.

That's pretty much it. It's far, far more than the sum of its parts. I've tried adding other things--watercress (works ok), french mustard on one side, mayo on the other, cheese--but really, it comes down to those items=perfect.

I've got the bread and the avocado out on the table. Now I just need the egg and the mayo.

No mayo.

Now, except for the Best. Sandwich. Ever. and Devilled Eggs, I'm pretty indifferent to mayonnaise. I'd rather use Maille mustard or mild ajvar. Mayonnaise doesn't disgust me, it's just not something I'm very attached to--a total about face from my childhood, where it was the Queen of Condiments. But ever since France, where I first learned to enjoy mustard (Amora, for which I search in vain), mayonnaise has slowly faded from my diet. Hell, half the time I use plain yogurt as a replacement.

Looks like I'm going to have to have an unsatisfactory replacement for my sammich. *sigh*

So, I pull out the mustard, the ajvar, and what I call the "box o'veggies," where I keep my partially cut peppers, and my prewashed lettuce and scallions.

I grab an egg and go to put it in the pot and realize: no clean pots. I look at my pot. It's still icky from Friday's tomato soup. With some choice self-directed curses ringing in my head, I decide to microwave myself an egg.

Many people do not know that you can microwave "fried" eggs. When I first moved back upstate, we didn't have a stovetop or an oven, just a microwave. So my ex and now friend, Javier Ortega, picked up a Time Life microwave cookbook from oh, 1974ish. So Javier became QUITE the microwave/toaster oven gourmet. And one of the few things I picked up from his experiments was that you could microwave eggs....

So I sprinkle it with some herbs, throw it in a microwaveable bowl and hit "Popcorn." Because in my world, there are three microwave settings: Popcorn, 1Beverage and 2Beverage. I must say that recently, I've been expanding into "Defrost" for that 50% awesomeness. But in truth, almost everything in the world can be cooked by some variation on those three lengths of time.

Onto a miraculously clean plate I place my baguette piece, my ajvar, my mustard, my lettuce, my avocado slices, and my now done and popping egg. Small fireworks are going off in my microwave. I wipe the top and sides once I open it, so the microwave won't get dirty.

See, in truth, my messiness is a function of two things: one, my complete and utter inability to organize things; two, my cleaning perfectionism.

I have no trouble organizing ideas; in truth, I'm quite good at it. People at work used to mystify me by saying I was good at organizing. But they were talking about ideas. To me, that's not organizing, that's just, well, kind of breathing. But give me stuff—Files, clothes, sheets of paper, mail, etc.—and I'm lost.

Also, when I clean, I clean. Floors? I use a scrub brush. Dishes? Squeaky. I wash my wood floors first with vinegar and then use lemon oil for polish and shine. No wonder I never clean! I can't move around the stuff! and when I do clean it by necessity takes hours and hours and hours! They recommend that you do your dishes every day. That's an hour a day out of my life. And yes, for one person's dishes.

Meh. At least I enjoy cleaning. Except for dishes. I always hate dishes.

Finally, I bring the sandwich into my office, so I can write Kyle an email while I eat it. And like many of my emails to Kyle, it's better served as a blog post.

Only this time, I actually posted it. And I still haven't washed my dishes.

*slinks back to kitchen sink*